Homework and Memories
by Krazy Ky-Sta Hatter
Summary: Rose thinks that it's funny the Doctor's alias is 'John Smith' she used to have a friend called John Smith who used to help her with her homework... She starts to get scared when other memories begin to surface.
1. Homework

_**Hello.**_

_**I've had this one finished for a while. At first it was just going to be a one chapter thing, but then I thought of another similar themed thing and THEN I had to have a confrontation about it. Well, I say confrontation… Rose and the Doctor are really more of the type who skirt around big issues and only really talk about the small ones. In my opinion the scene in School Reunion was a big outburst of pent up things that happened only once or twice.**_

_**Anyway, the beginning of this story was inspired by the line in 'The Wedding of River Song' when the Doctor said 'I could help Rose Tyler with her homework'. Being a HUGE Rose / Doctor shipper, I melted right away. Then I got this idea in my head and had most of it written out during the add breaks before the show was even finished.**_

* * *

><p>.<p>

.

.

**Homework**

.

.

"So…" Rose said flopping down on the couch next to the Doctor. They were sitting in the library, an uneasy silence hung about them. But still neither of them said anything. He knew he had a lot to answer for.

He knew Rose was okay with Sarah Jane now… but she knew there had been other companions. And he had just invited Mickey aboard. Perhaps that hadn't been such a good move after all. Sure it would put that little tiny bit of distance between them, which was what he was aiming for… but would he actually be able to stand it?

Mickey was currently getting settled into his own room. The Doctor got the impression Rose wasn't very happy about him coming aboard either. It didn't make much sense… Mickey was her boyfriend… kind of.

Ugh, _boyfriend,_ the word made him seethe. Why had he been so dumb as to let _him_ travel! Now with _him_ back, she'd probably be all over him. And he would have to sit by and watch them make goo goo eyes at each other and… And he would have to try and restrain himself if that idiot kissed her in front of him.

.

Stupid! Stupid, stupid! There was no point in being jealous, because she had never been his in the first place. He had told her only hours ago why they couldn't be together. It had hurt like anything trying to explain it. He didn't even know why he had said it, it's not like she loved him back…

But then, sometimes when he looked in her eyes, he could see it. The care and the compassion. And that look… as if he were the most important thing in the world to her. And he would never forget that day on Satellite 5 when she had nearly destroyed her life to save him. '_I want you safe… My Doctor'_.

He closed his eyes against the memories. Yes, perhaps he saw it. But he couldn't. He couldn't allow himself to. It would hurt them both too much.

'_Humans decay. You wither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone who you…'_ He had nearly told her that he loved her…

.

"So," Rose said again after five more minutes. She had snuggled down more and was now curled up against him. Her earlier hostility had been forgotten. Her hand had slipped into his, it sat there comfortably like it were home. He tried to pretend their closeness didn't affect him. But it was getting pretty hard these days. "John Smith… where did that come from?"

He gave a small little laugh. "One of my companions, Jamie. I was in a tight spot a long, long time ago. Needed an alias. Jamie told them I was John Smith… the name just kind of stuck. I think the only time I haven't used it as an alias was when I used Jamie's name back in Scotland. He was Scottish by the way, wore a kilt and everything." Rose couldn't help but laugh at that. He thought that for a moment she had been rather tense when he had first mentioned Jamie. Until he had mentioned the kilts…

"I used to have a friend called John Smith, you know," she suddenly told him. This sort of surprised him. For such common names, it was a very _uncommon_ name. Because it was so common, no one even dared calling their kids that these days. Hardly anyone actually believed you if you said 'Hi, I'm John Smith'. He was surprised he got away with it half the time.

"He was… well, kind of, my tutor back when I started high school," she continued. "Really sweet, little crazy," she laughed. "Apparently his friends nicknamed him 'the Madman with a Box'… You know, that would be a good name for you."

"Oi!" he protested at being called mad. Rose laughed again and pulled her cheeky grin where she would put her tongue between her teeth. Oh, he loved that grin.

"He kind of reminds me of you actually…"

"Really, what did you two do?" he asked.

"Well, we'd go down to the park and do my homework and talk. That was about it. We only ever went to my place once, Mum slapped him thinking he was stalking me! Well, it's understandable, I was 13 and he was… He never actually told me how old he was, but I guess he was in his late twenties. One of the things that remind me of you was that he was always wearing the same clothes… God, that bowtie! A twenty year old wearing a bowtie!" The Doctor laughed. The only time he ever wore a bowtie was with his tux… he didn't really like bowties. They so weren't cool.

"So that's it?" he said curiously. "He just helped you with your homework?"

"We talked too," she reminded him. "He said I reminded him of another Rose he once knew. He'd, um… he'd fallen in love with her. But something happened to her and it broke his heart… He didn't talk about her much, but he looked so sad. You could see it in his eyes. Actually, that's another thing that reminds me of you… his eyes were old, and sad… just like yours."

"I don't have sad eyes!" he said. She only looked at him, he knew what she meant. He was actually starting to get scared of this man… he sounded _too _familiar. "Did you ever go round to his place to study?" he asked.

"No… he said he didn't really have a home. He was a bit of a traveller. God, he does sound like you!" she laughed. He gave a small little chuckle too, but to him it sounded rather forced. "I'll tell you one thing though. He was so right about me." She sighed and leaned back into him further, closing her eyes. "He told me that I was going to grow up to be someone incredible… never really believed that bit, but I'm _doing_ something that's just so incredible. Said I'd go out, see the world, and touch the stars. Travel further than people could ever dream. Even if I didn't pass my A levels, I'd still be the smartest person he'd ever know. And have a love so powerful it would stop the devil himself… that's the most I can remember. We always used to talk about more things. But the one thing I always noticed was that he looked so sad… The last time I saw him he told me I wouldn't see him again, because he was going to die…" her voice broke a little.

The Doctor froze beneath her. He wasn't sure whether it was because he was horrified that she had lost a friend that way… Or that he was almost certain this friend was _him_ in the future.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. And he was sorry, for much more than just the loss of her 'John Smith'.

.

What ever it meant, he only knew one thing. It would mean that he would someday lose his Rose. And it would nearly kill him.

.

.

.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Yeah, sorry, I know Rose seems a bit oblivious to it, but the way I see it: It's been a long day and her brain isn't properly working. Also, the memories are now 8 years old and she can't remember every detail. If he reminds her of the Doctor, she just tells herself it's her mind being weird. So pretty much, at this point of the night her brain isn't working.<strong>_

_**And poor Doctor finds out that he's going to loose her AND regerate.**_


	2. Memories

_**Okay, we've had a bit of a jump here. We've gone from after School Reunion to after Satan Pit. I believe that Rose has a connection to the TARDIS and so does the Doctor. I've got some of the Doctor's memories mixed in with hers, so my theory is that the TARDIS has kind of unwittingly gotten the memories to her or something. Either way, the situation for Rose get's worse.**_

* * *

><p>.<p>

.

.

**Memories**

.

.

Rose turned over and moved restlessly in her bed. Her battle with the devil had freaked her out to no end, and it was hard to sleep. But she was so exhausted that she was left lying on the edge. Not asleep, but not awake. And, still, a mix of dreams tormented her.

.

*_She was alone. It was a cold January night and the snow drifted down around. She heard a noise from the shadows…_

_._

*_The sad dark green eyes of a friend. So sad and so alone. And yet still he smiled._

_._

*_"And the lost girl, so far away from home. The Valiant Child who will die in battle so very soon," the voice of the Beast rasped at her from the com. The Ood on screen before her._

"_Doctor, what does it mean?" she asked nervously._

"_Rose, don't listen," came the Doctor's quiet reply._

"_What does it mean?" she said more insistently, fear leaking into her voice._

_This time it was the Beast that answered. "You will die…"_

_._

*_"I think… we beat it. And that's good enough for me," the Doctor said as he worked at the controls._

"_It said I was going to die in battle," she said, her voice wavering the slightest bit._

_Finally he looked up at her, looked her in the eye for a moment. "Then it lied," he said quietly, confidence in his voice._

_She knew that he was worried, deep down. She knew that he was trying to convince himself as much as he was her. But she would believe almost anything he said. And the fact that he was so adamant, and so wonderful, and so caring… That was all she needed to forget… if only for a moment._

_._

*_"I mean it, Rose Tyler," John laughed and bumped into her shoulder as they ate their chips over her homework. "You are going to be something special. Completely and utterly brilliant! You're going to save the world, see the world… touch the stars! You're going to travel further than anyone could ever DREAM. And you are going to fall in love. Oh, the best love. You are going to have a love strong enough to stop the Devil himself…"_

_._

*_The Doctor stood in that horrible orange spacesuit he'd been wearing only hours ago. He held a rock, poised above his head. But then suddenly he let the rock slip form his hands and his face fell._

"_But then you're clever enough to use this whole system against me," he said dejectedly. He rested his hand either side of a glowing vase and stared at it blankly as he spoke. "If I destroy this planet, I destroy the gravity field. The Rocket." Suddenly his voice was low and dark. "The rocket loses projection, falls into the black hole. I have to sacrifice Rose."_

_The beast before him laughed evilly as it strained against its chains. It saw its victory. It had found its opponents weakness. The Doctor wandered back into the middle of the two pillars._

"_So that's the trap. Or the test or the final judgement, I don't know… But if I kill you, I kill her." The Beast laughed again, before roaring at him. And then it dawned on him._

"_Except," he said strongly in his usual manor. "That implies, in this big scheme of Gods and Devils, that she's just a victim. But I've seen a lot of this universe." His voice began to grow steadily stronger as he spoke. "I've seen fake gods, and bad gods, and demigods, and would-be gods. Out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing… just ONE thing… I believe in HER!" he said the last part with such passion and conviction that it would have made the hearts of anyone listening stop for a whole moment. And with that, he lifted the rock, and smashed the vase._

_._

*_She peered through the shadow and the snow. The man was leaning heavily against the wall. She couldn't see much of him. He was still shrouded in shadow. But he did not look well. All she could see were his clenched fists and a rather familiar coat…_

_._

*_"So who was she?" Rose asked. John looked up at her, startled. "You keep mention things about this girl. I hear you mutter that something is typical, or that I'm just the same. And… and you sound really sad when you talk about her. Who is she?"_

_John opened his mouth to reply, but the words seemed stuck in his throat for a while. "She's, ah, she's someone I knew… You do remind me of her, actually… She was utterly brilliant. So kind, so caring and compassionate. She always knew what was right. And she was so strong and stubborn. She would never leave me. Send her away if something was dangerous, and she'd come right back."_

_Rose giggled at that. But she saw the pain in is eyes, and she knew there was more to it. "You loved her, didn't you?" she said gently._

"_Yeah," he said nodding his head heavily. He looked up at her a moment, she could swear she could see a whole world in his eyes. Entire lifetimes. "Sometimes I almost wish I hadn't… She - It broke my he - heart." She wondered why he was putting emphasis on the singular heart for a second, but thought nothing more of it at what he said next. "But I wouldn't have missed one moment with her for the world. I only wish I had more."_

"_What happened?" Rose all but whispered._

_John didn't answer for a long time. He just stared blankly ahead, as if remembering. Then he closed his eyes tight shut, in pain. "She's gone."_

_._

*_"You alright, Mate?" she called into the shadows._

"_Yeah," came a familiar voice. It was obvious that he wasn't. He was in pain, but at the time, she didn't know that. She hadn't known his voice._

"_Too much to drink?"_

"_Something like that," he told her. She could tell it was a struggle for him to be saying anything. He really did look to be in a bad way. He should be out of the cold, back with someone who cared for him._

"_Maybe it's time you went home," she told him kindly._

"_Yeah," he agreed, but it almost sounded… dismissive. As if this was where he wanted to stay._

"_Anyway, Happy New Year!"_

"_And you," he said. She could hear the faint smile in his voice. She turned away, but he couldn't bare that. He had to keep her with him. "What year is this?" he asked._

"_Blimey, how much have you had?" He shrugged. "2005, January the first."_

"_2005," he mused. He moved slightly and now she could see his face. His brown pinstriped suit and his wild brown hair. His beautiful brown eyes, so dark, and sad, and filled with pain… and love. "Tell you what," he said brightly. "I bet you're gonna have a really great year!"_

"_Yeah?" He nodded and smiled at her. The smile was so fond, and so proud… and so incredibly sad. How could she have not seen that before? "See ya!" And she left._

_._

*_Her hand stung as the paper sliced through it. "Ow!" she hissed._

"_Oh, here, let me," John said gently taking her hand, a cheeky grin on his face. "Trust me, I'm a Doctor."_

_._

*"_You're gonna have a really great year…"_

_._

*_"So what was her name then?"_

_John looked taken aback for a moment. He stuttered and stumbled over his words before she would make out anything coherent. "Well, erm, actually… her name was Rose…"_

_._

*_Because he couldn't say goodbye…_

_._

*_"You will die…"_

.

Rose snapped out of it with a whimper. She pushed herself up and dragged a hand through her hair. Horrible, horrible 'kind of' daydream. She had expected those memories of the Beast to haunt her… but what was with the other ones? She hadn't been there when the Doctor had confronted the Beast. And he never said he saw it down there. And why would he say something like that?

And those memories of John… she knew that in some ways he seemed so much like the Doctor but… No, he couldn't be. Okay, she knew he could regenerate but… NO!

And New Years… yeah, there had been a guy. But it couldn't have been the Doctor, right?

No, it wasn't him. None of it was him. He wouldn't risk the timelines, not even for her. And if he was going back into her life before she'd even met him, it only meant one thing… She was no longer with him…

Her breath starting to come out in shaky gasps, she pushed herself to her feet. There was no need to start panicking. It wasn't real. She was just being stupid. The Doctor would tell her the same thing. He would be able to calm her down.

.

.

.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Yep, keep telling yourself that, Rose.<strong>_

_**Well, that dream would put anyone on edge. I love flashy dreams! I just felt like spreading the New Year scene through out it to kind of build up to that one for her.**_

_**Let's see if talking to the Doctor will do anything to calm her down.**_


	3. When I'm Gone

**When I'm Gone**

.

.

Rose raised her hand to the door, then faltered. What was she doing? She wasn't four years old. It's not like she needed to run to anyone for comfort just because she had a stupid nightmare. It hadn't even been a real nightmare. She had hardly been asleep.

He was probably fast asleep. He only got an hour or two every night. There was no need to wake him up for something so silly. Sighing, she turned to go back, only to find that in the time she had been facing his door, the TARDIS had hidden her door and blocked the exits to the corridor.

The only place she could go now was his room.

Sighing again, she quietly turned the doorknob and peered into the dark room. In the faint light, cast inside from the hall, she could see the Doctor sitting at the end of the bed. He had his head hanging heavily in his hands. He almost seemed to be pulling at his hair as he held on to his head. He was barefoot, his converse placed carefully beside his bead. His jacket however had been strewn across the room. He was wearing his light blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows.

He looked… stressed… sad.

"Doctor?" she said tentatively. He lifted his head and looked at her in surprise.

"Rose," he said. He stood and came over to her. The next thing she knew, she was in his arms and he was holding her tight. Needing this herself, she hugged him back. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah," she told him as he let her go and led her to sit on his bed with him. "I just couldn't sleep… or I had a nightmare… I don't know, it was kind of a mix of the two at the same time… Does that even make sense?" she said in confusion.

"Yeah, it does," he laughed. But she noted that it didn't light up his eyes quite so much as usual. "What did you dream about?" he asked cautiously. Rose cast her eyes down, she knew he'd read the truth there. But she couldn't help herself from giving a slight shiver. "Ah," he said, understanding perfectly.

"It - it was mostly memories," she told him.

The Doctor only gazed at her intently a moment. "Come on," he said gently. "You can stay with me tonight." Rose nodded mutely and he helped her back so she was on one side of the bed, under the covers. He jumped in the other side and snuggled down so he was facing her.

They just looked at each other for a long time, their eyes saying more than their lips ever could. Without her consent, her hand reached up and she began running her hand down his face, tracing the contours, memorising every part of it she could. He closed his eyes in content and she brushed her thumb over his lids. Then traced down his nose and softly across his lips, which parted slightly at her touch. Her fingers came to a rest on his cheek.

"Do you ever wonder," she said quietly, "what you're going to look like in the future?"

"Sometimes," he said. "I do hope I'll be ginger next time. But, I hope I don't find out soon," he chuckled. "I quite like this body."

"Me too," Rose smiled at him. He chuckled again and pulled her closer to him so that her head was on his shoulder and her hand resting on his chest. They stayed quiet a while longer. Subconsciously, he began to play with her hair, stroking it. It was so nice that it was quickly lulling her to sleep. "Doctor," she said innocently, her voice starting to give way to sleep. "What would you do when I'm gone? If you didn't get the chance to say goodbye… what will you do?"

She heard and felt him take a deep breath. "I don't know. And quite frankly, I'd rather not think about it. I'm going to spend every possible moment with you I can. But you don't… you don't have to worry about what that Beast said. It can't tell the future. I mean, it said that we would all die there and it would escape… Well, we showed it."

Rose tried to smile. She knew what he said made sense, and she was glad that he cared about her that much… But what he had said, that he was going to spend every possible moment he could with her. That just confirmed her fear. If he couldn't see her anymore, he would go back to a time where he could.

Painfully, she closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his hearts beating. The soothing rhythm with the Doctor's caresses had her on the brink of sleep. But still she remembered one more thing she wanted to know.

"What do you believe in?" she asked him, her voice now heavy with sleep. She didn't even have the energy to open her eyes.

"I don't really know, Time Lords don't really have a religion."

"If you had to pick one thing to believe in, in all of time and space what would it be?"

"Just one?" he mused. "One thing out of everything, everywhere and everywhen? Every concept, being, planet, star, item, myth, life, sky… through all of existence?" He looked down to see Rose breathing deeply and evenly, her eyes closed and her body relaxed. "I believe in you," he whispered. Careful not to wake her, he leant down and kissed her head.

In her sleep, Rose smiled.

.

.

.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Yep, because THAT makes Rose think she's safe! That probably has her thinking she's going to die. But despite the fact her fears have just been confirmed, she can't help but smile at his sweet words.<strong>_

_**So that's it really. Just a little bit of bittersweet fluff, angst, and hurt / comfort!**_


End file.
